Indecent Exposure

It's the middle of the night and I cannot sleep. No, this is not like any ordinary night where you're not tired enough or sleepy enough...I am plenty of both. This is a night where I can hear people partying at the pool. Generally this would not be a problem, but considering that the pool is on the other side of my building, and I can hear clearly what these fools are talking about, tonight it is.

As usual, I let this go on for an hour or so, thinking the noise will die down at some point. But I should have known, the more alcohol ingested, the louder it gets. So, I finally muster up the courage to politely ask them to keep it down.

"Hey, I'm not trying to be a b**ch, but I am trying to sleep. Could you guys turn down the volume a notch?" Okay, I admit, not the nicest, but hey, I'm exhausted.

About 5 of the 20 people apologize while the others either continue their lewd conversations or sit in silence, as if I can't see them if they aren't talking. Both the effects of the alcohol, I presume. One girl, who is in her underwear and covering her boobs with her arm comes up and introduces herself, inviting me in. I politely decline. At that moment, one guy exits the pool, beer in hand and butt naked. He walks over and tells me I should really come join the party. I politely decline again and just ask them to be a little quieter.

This was followed by, "Please don't tell on us. We would get in so much trouble. We're just having fun. You're not going to tell them (management at the apartments) are you?"

"As long as you keep it down a bit, your secret is safe with me."

I was startled when the topless girl exhibited exactly how much she had to drink. She apparently forgot that we just met, I had asked her to keep the noise down, etc. because she asked me, "Oh, are you enjoying watching?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you're just watching. Are you enjoying it?"

"Um...I just came to tell you to keep it down. I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh. Well, please don't rat us out."

What an idiot! Have you ever heard of putting yourself in a really bad situation where really bad things can happen to you? Things that will make you regret this for the rest of your life? Eh, probably not.

As I walk back to my apartment, I start thinking about the situation. These people are naked...and in the pool. There are people skinny dipping in the community pool. How disgusting is that? I am never going swimming there...thank goodness I haven't so far.

I start to get in bed and realize that I can no longer hear the screams of the naked drunken idiots...but apparently I just didn't wait long enough. Not five minutes into my slumber, I hear them again...not as loud, but still as annoying.

So I'm now faced with a dilemma. Should I call the apartment management? the cops? If I put on the TV to drown them out, I will definitely not be able to sleep. I call a friend to get some advice, but it is 3:15 a.m. and she is doing exactly what I have been trying to for a few hours now.

And if I did call, wouldn't it be funnier if the cops came instead of the people who work in the office? Oh yes. It definitely would be. I just don't have the heart to call. I can't do it. But the thought sure is funny. Just picture two cops walking up to a pool full of 20 drunk and naked people who have no where to hide. Not only that, in order to run, they would have to unlock the gate to get out. Can you imagine these drunken fools scrambling for keys and trying to unlock the gate? Seriously. I can't help but laugh hysterically for a few minutes. Eh, let them have their fun, I'm sure their hangovers will be hell to deal with in the morning.

All of the sudden, the noise stops. Curiously, I walk outside and see flashing lights. Someone else had called the cops. Are you serious? I really didn't expect anyone, including myself to ACTUALLY call the police. But I watched as the image I pictured came to life.

How's that for apartment ratings? 20 counts of indecent exposure...I'm thinking they'll have a waiting list by the end of the month.

-Gray