Help Wanted.

Looking back on my life, I can say I have always been quick to cry when I'm pissed. I'm not sure why this occurs, other than the build up of rage inside me...knowing I can't do much more than this...as I'm not the type of person to hurt anyone else.

This is something I must overcome. Is there some pill that can make me a callous bitch? If so I'll take a gross.

Work has taken such a toll on my life and I must do something to fix it...or I'll lose the most important things I cherish...myself and the ones I love...who hate to hear me recanting my horrible experiences. I have questioned nursing as my calling more in the past few months than I have ever questioned any decision I've ever made. Have I made a mistake, despite the fact my patients love the care I provide?

I keep reminding myself I only have 82 or so more days to fulfill with no write-ups...although, I'm quite positive my boss won't let that happen. I think that means that my freedom will come around January 22nd 2010 or so...is it worth it to stay miserable for the next 5 months and 3 weeks? I mean as it stands, I can't even sleep if I know I have to work the next day.

Here's hoping I win the lottery...even though I rarely buy tickets....

-Gray