Gimme More Meds!

I've calmed down from all the mayhem that surrounds my job and decided to take some advice from a good friend. "Clock in, do your job, and clock out." As easy as that seems, I take pride in my job and try to befriend the people I spend so much time around. It's sad that I have to forgo this type of interaction with my co-workers, but now, it's not just needed....it's necessary for my own job and my sanity.

Things have been a little rough for the past week or so...and I slowly came to the realization that I needed to up my "happy pills" only 2 weeks after my doc and I had decreased them in order to wean me off of them. It comes somewhat as a disappointment, but it sure makes life easier when you're chemically balanced.

Of course, this had some impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. The day I came home from the doctor with a prescription for half of the usual dosage, I sat him down for a chat. I explained to him that I needed his help to see what I can't. That if I got overemotional or a little crazy, to sit me down and calmly let me know. So what does he do when I start experiencing withdrawals? Nothing. He pulls away and doesn't say a word. I finally figured it out on my own and when I approached the situation, I think he was relieved but wary. I can understand how he might have been scared of me or of hurting my feelings, but I asked for help and was left alone to figure it out. I'm not mad or anything, but I feel so horrible. The fact that he can't come to me about this type of thing, after I've said it was what I wanted....what kind of person am I?

I have apologized profusely and on many occasions to the point where I think he is just tired of hearing it. Every time I say it, I mean it. It just made me feel like an evil, bad girlfriend.

Since the aforementioned, we both agreed that upping my medications was best. So I called my doc, and he promptly called in more pills. I picked them up only a few hours later.

So you would think that everything would be back to "normal", right?

I thought so too. Unfortunately, I fear I may have done some damage that can't be undone or will take a while to undo. I've noticed the "I love you"'s stopped as well as other things. I'm trying not to be overly analytical or analytical at all for that matter, but it has been a couple days...which is strange for him.

For tonight, it's probably best that I just try not to think about it because in the morning, I have to go to the hell hole I call work...and thats stressful enough.

-Gray.