Gimme More Meds!

I've calmed down from all the mayhem that surrounds my job and decided to take some advice from a good friend. "Clock in, do your job, and clock out." As easy as that seems, I take pride in my job and try to befriend the people I spend so much time around. It's sad that I have to forgo this type of interaction with my co-workers, but now, it's not just needed....it's necessary for my own job and my sanity.

Things have been a little rough for the past week or so...and I slowly came to the realization that I needed to up my "happy pills" only 2 weeks after my doc and I had decreased them in order to wean me off of them. It comes somewhat as a disappointment, but it sure makes life easier when you're chemically balanced.

Of course, this had some impact on my relationship with my boyfriend. The day I came home from the doctor with a prescription for half of the usual dosage, I sat him down for a chat. I explained to him that I needed his help to see what I can't. That if I got overemotional or a little crazy, to sit me down and calmly let me know. So what does he do when I start experiencing withdrawals? Nothing. He pulls away and doesn't say a word. I finally figured it out on my own and when I approached the situation, I think he was relieved but wary. I can understand how he might have been scared of me or of hurting my feelings, but I asked for help and was left alone to figure it out. I'm not mad or anything, but I feel so horrible. The fact that he can't come to me about this type of thing, after I've said it was what I wanted....what kind of person am I?

I have apologized profusely and on many occasions to the point where I think he is just tired of hearing it. Every time I say it, I mean it. It just made me feel like an evil, bad girlfriend.

Since the aforementioned, we both agreed that upping my medications was best. So I called my doc, and he promptly called in more pills. I picked them up only a few hours later.

So you would think that everything would be back to "normal", right?

I thought so too. Unfortunately, I fear I may have done some damage that can't be undone or will take a while to undo. I've noticed the "I love you"'s stopped as well as other things. I'm trying not to be overly analytical or analytical at all for that matter, but it has been a couple days...which is strange for him.

For tonight, it's probably best that I just try not to think about it because in the morning, I have to go to the hell hole I call work...and thats stressful enough.

-Gray.

Get A Job, You Lazy F*ck!

Call me crazy, but less nurses means less care. Less care means more patients dying. More patients dying means more lawsuits. More lawsuits mean even less nurses. Do you see the pattern?!

So with all of this talk about House Bill 1 in Louisiana, I wonder what the hell our elected officials are thinking!!!

I have had a job for as long as I can remember. I was so young, I had to go to the school board office and get a work permit for every job. And try as they may, I did not take my break every few hours as regulated by the powers that be. I pay my taxes to the state and federal governments regularly...and actually overpay every year. I even pay for renter's insurance, which I know many people think is just a waste of money. I go to work when I'm scheduled. I show up early and stay late. I pay for my own health insurance. While at a part-time gig, I actually paid $489 every month to COBRA to keep my coverage. This is because when I applied for temporary state assistance, I was denied. DENIED!!! Are you freaking kidding me??? I fell within every requirement but was blatantly told that in order to get Medicaid, I "had to be black or have children." I do what a decent human being does and I only requested 6 months of coverage so that I could stay in nursing school, finish my semester and graduate. [It is law that you have some type of coverage, and understandably so.] I am bettering myself instead of sitting on my couch living off of WIC coupons and Welfare.

So, while thinking of HB1, I came up with a fabulous idea:

Instead of cutting Medicare, lets stop giving free health care to the people taking advantage of the system. I understand some people require Medicaid, but that's not what I'm talking about.

**If you can work, choose not to and are okay with letting everyone know that you're only having more kids to get more money from the government, you're a lazy f*ck! Because of thousands of people like you, many health care professionals including myself may be out of a job. That means when you come to the hospital, there won't be someone waiting on you hand and foot while you take your "vacation" from your kids as you state on every admission. F*ck you, get a job, and get your freaking tubes tied while you're at it!**

-Gray

What A Mess

As I've indicated before....love my job...but not my boss. I was having a fairly good day at work yesterday and all of the sudden, I see her. The boss woman is ferverently making her way down the halls of the unit and with each infuriating step, I can almost see smoke barrelling from her nostrils. ...there went my good day...

"Everyone in the break room, NOW, " she exclaims.

...wtf? really? this is ridiculous...

I make my way to the break room after passing by co-workers who are frozen in fear. She doesn't scare me...the authority she possesses, does however.

What a surprise, I'm the first one in the break room...waiting on everyone else to regain the ability to walk and follow directions.

Finally, about 6 of them trickle in. Then the boss lady and her shim sidekick....

With attitudes and neck acrobatics that have never been seen by man, she informs us of the topic of today's "Emergency Staff Meeting."

To my delight, this meeting has nothing to do with me...specifically.

Apparently, the "governor wants to shut down 55% of the hospitals in the state", which...with simple math...means that most of the health care workers in Louisiana will be out of a job soon, and have to go out of state to find one. Among the area hospitals, our budget is affected the least, since we take minimal handouts from the federal and state governments. This makes me feel a little better, but not confident enough to feel secure in my current position.

So not only are we shutting down high schools, we're shutting down hospitals and health care facilities? This state is already falling behind the nation and it's "standards", but really? Are we going for a "third-world country"-like atmosphere? It perplexes me as to how this plan is going to help the governor in his re-election campaign in a few years.

The boss lady and shim sidekick are passing out flyers for all to sign to protest the house bill and "expect" us to fill them out and tell us that if there are protests, it is "mandatory" that we participate.

If you know anything about me, I DO NOT like being told what I "HAVE" to do, especially if I have not checked things out for myself.

I do like doing my research so I can make my own independent informed decision. As soon as I arrive home, I go for my laptop and download the bill. Even though I'm not an expert at going through these types of documents, I make some headway after 184 pages. With little luck understanding the benefits and repercussions of the bill, I grow tired. I am now more understanding why more people don't show interest in state politics.

Good thing I have today off to cipher this cryptogram. Wish me luck.

-Gray

Kiss My Fears Away.

One thing I have come to realize is that I am not nearly as romantic as I once thought I was. Independent...absolutely. Pragmatic...most of the time. I have just always regarded it as taking take of things that need to get done.

Last Thursday, I had to bring my boyfriend to the airport. He and his mom were meeting up and flying out on an emergency trip to see a sick family member before his passing. I knew they needed to go and supported both of them in this. We enjoyed our "romantic" airport breakfast of water and peanut butter cups and I walked with him to the security station. He gave me one last hug and kiss and I told him to take care of his mom, that I would see him soon, and we exchanged our "I love you"'s. All of this was fine with me until I turned around, walked down the stairs and made my way to my truck.

It was like a ton of bricks hit me all at once. Tears began streaming down my face as I felt my bottom lip protrude in pouting. I thought to myself, "Why am I such a wreck?" He'll be back in a few days.

The more I thought about it, the more confused I was. Was it because we were at an airport? Or was it because I just realized that I have never loved someone more? Undoubtedly, it was both.

While he gone, [unbeknownst to him] I moved most of his things into his new place. I worked diligently until I injured myself so badly that I felt I would rather die...and I knew he would be mad if he found out [only that I had hurt myself]. So I ventured back home, took a shower and tried to go to bed...without much luck.

I had to work on day 2-4, so I knew I would keep myself busy. Despite all this, I didn't expect to miss him as much as I did. I kept thinking to my self , "He is only going to be away for 5 days." I kept reminding myself of this hoping it would help, and eventually it did.

He notified me of his arrival on the tarmac and told me there was a change of plans. Instead of going to drop his mom's car off at his cousin's house, he was coming straight to my place [as it was safer for her car]. I lept off the couch and started cleaning and doing laundry! [This means I'm excited!]

There was a knock at my front door, which usually means my upstairs neighbors have come to visit. Feeling a little bummed, I made my way out of the kitchen and unlocked the door. When I opened it, he rushed in showering me with hugs and kisses me like he hadn't seen me in a month or more. I think he missed me more, if that's possible. And even though I don't have many of them, my insecurities about his feelings for me are kissed away, one by one.

-Gray